So, a very talented photographer I met, Austen Diamond, asked if he could do a photo shoot of me. I have been photographed by somea the best and cutest around, and he bein’ another new one, I said yes.
Austen and me talked and we decided that he’d shoot me while ridin’ FrontRunner. Eeeeww fer excitin’! Can you bleeve it? As much as I haveta drive upta Salt Lake City and what not, I have never tried ta ride the UTA FrontRunner Train.
Ever since it come downta Provo, I have been meanin' ta do it, but jumpin' in the Escalade is just an old habit that’s hardta break. Donnie decided he’d go upta SLC with us, plus I had told him that Austen was adoreable. So we drive overta Provo, we all git on the FrontRunner headed towards SLC, and we’re off.
I ran ta take a tinkle and when I come back Donnie had found out that Austen is straight, and begins ta pout and refuses ta be in one single photo. I mean honestlee Donnie! Not only was Cute Austen straight but single and available, I shoulda brung along a buncha my young lady friends—shhhessh.
So off we went on ...
Dottie’s Big FrontRunner Adventure...
Well—no sooner did we git ta the Provo Station than I run inta a coupla missionaries who are headed upta Salt Lake City. Darling young men, both had briefcases fulla all sorts a things.
Well the train takes off and we all begin ta chat and what not, and I find out they are bein’ called inta the mission president’s office—because they had been reparted as bein’ tea drinkers.
They was takin’ evidence with em’ that proved all they ever drunk was herbal tea, frum this Queens’ Leaf Tea Company.
It smelt divine. I told em’ not ta worry, as long as they tell the truth, the Lard will be on their side, and the silly rumors will be found ungrounded and such as that.
Between Provo and the the stink of Utah Lake we traveled on, the missionaries yanked out a bunch a herbal tea equipment, along with a nifty little thermos a hot water. We stared out the window at the plentiful livestock, and the west sides a Orem, PG, American Fark, and Lehi, (bleh) all the while servin’ & sippin’ tea.
They offered me a wonderful selection a teas. A sweet tea called DigniTEA (sweet almond), one called Lapsang Souchong er somethin’ like that, fancy! It smelt like pine trees, eversa lovely.
We finally settled on Blue TEA, a tribute ta these blue stockin’ wearin’ ladies of 1870, who were the beginners of the Ladies Literary Club. The rebel in me jist hadta try that one, so they set up a servin’ tray, and we all tasted until hell would have no more.
Yummy teas, served ta me Sister D in all sorts a ways and set ups.
Donnie—as usual sittin’ far away, havin’ nothin’ ta do with alla us. Tremendously talented Austen captured it all sa grand in this rilly fun series a photos.
Time just flew by and we was pullin’ inta the Intra-motel hub in SLC. Tea packed up, my makeup retouched, we all hugged and said goodbye. Austen and me offta the DUP luncheon, the missionaries ta their priesthood interview, and Donnie ta that horrible little gay bar TryAngulations!
We all agreed ta meet back on the FrontRunner platform at 5pm sharp. I told Donnie ta take TRAX, and them sweet missionaries asked if they should check-in and pick up Donnie at the bar on the way back. I thanked the missionaries profussedly and said that would be a blessin’! They all exchanged cell phone numbers, and we all went our different ways. The miracle of modern-day transportation!
5PM, a miracle! Everyone was back and even a bit early. Austen jist loved the hot buttered biscuits at the DUP Lion House luncheon, and was the perfect gentlemanly escart, the missionaries had apparently convinced their Mish Prez that herbal tea was absalutely fine, and Donnie had met friends and had drank enough Bud Light that his mood had been transfarmed ta bright and delightsome. All was well.
While we waited fer FrontRunner South ta arrive. We chatted and got all caught up in it. I could tell my makeup was droopin’, so I touched up my lipstick, and checked my hair. Onea them cute missionaries said that he’d always wanted to try on lipstick, and would I assist him.
Gladly I done so, much ta the objection of the other missionary. I told him ta settle down, it was all in good fun, and eventually we even entertained the others on the platfarm with some Charlie’s Angels antics.
Train arrived, but before boarding, I give botha the missionaries a true Sister Dottie kiss on their cheeks. Eeeewww fer fun.
Rollin’, rollin’ rollin’ backta God’s County we was off. The missionaries offered me more lovely herbal tea, but I already hadta tinkle, so I flagged down a UTA worker, and asked where the Ladies Room was.
He showed me the way, and I went ta take care a business. It's mighty hard doin' a lady's business on the rail; I'm just happy there wasn'ta puddle of pee everywhere. Well, It seemed like I was wanderin’ around there for ever, cuz when I returned the two missionaries were literally just a tuckered out. Landsamercy it was an eventful day.
Hellfries they’d jist gotten back from a big interview & interrogation after all. And me, I had my first big FrontRunner adventure yet. And Donnie was just a laughin’ fer all the Bud Lights in his system and dutiful & diligent Austen gettin’ photographs fer posterity all the way. Aaaah, my word. What a day!
So I sat between em’, poured myself some more of their delicious tea, and we all rocked, rattled, and rode back ta Provo in peace, harmony, with a little nap on Sister’s shoulder.
Photographer and award-winning journalist Austen Diamond specializes in creative portraiture, commercial photography and editorial photojournalism. For booking inquiries and to view his portfolio, go to www.AustenDiamond.com.